This year, I married the woman of my dreams, and subsequently made the unconventional decision to take her last name. This decision came after much thought and discussion and was not an easy choice to make. This blog post is a short account of my journey to update my identity.

Background

My wife comes from a large family and to her, the Atkinson name was an identity that linked her to them. In addition, my wife is an accomplished and published scientist, and her colleagues who have married and taken their spouse’s name have had challenges in re-branding themselves under the new name. It is nearly impossible to retroactively update all journal entries and other published materials to a new name. For these reasons, she rejected the conventional practice of taking her husband’s name, and I fully supported her in this decision.

I believed strongly in the idea of having a unified family name. I thought (and have subsequently experienced) that it’s easier for people to believe that my wife is my wife when we share the same name. It would be easier for each of us to run errands or conduct other business on behalf of the other with the same name. Most importantly, I believed that one day our children should be able to share an identity with their parents. For those reasons, and given her position as to her own name, I made the decision to take my wife’s name.

Making it Legal

The name change process was less than straightforward but some helpful tips from the Internet led me in the right direction. Basically, here’s how it went:

1. I got new Social Security card by filling out a form at my local branch and bringing my marriage certificate.
2. Upon receipt of the SS card, I went to my motor vehicle administration with my new SS card and marriage certificate to receive a new license.
3. I updated my name for my passport which had its own name change process.
4. I updated my name on everything else in my life, most importantly bank information, credit cards, and mortgage information, all of which had their own unnecessarily convoluted process for doing so.

Re-branding

The last and most difficult step has been re-branding myself. Originally, my intention was to keep my unmarried name (by which I’ve been known at work and under which I’ve developed my professional network), but the challenges of balancing two identities and the reality of working in regulated industries requiring my legal name for ID cards and legal documents directed me to make the decision to covert my professional identity to Atkinson as well. I’ve chosen to keep my Meluso identity for the time being to give colleagues and contacts time to adjust to my Atkinson identity. I’ve updated all of my social media accounts keeping Meluso in my name so that my contacts can recognize me as the same person but also be able to take note of the Atkinson name. When I feel that I’ve been recognized across my network at Atkinson, I will make the decision at that time to drop the Meluso moniker.

Changing my name has definitely been a more drawn out process than I had anticipated, and societal norms have become evident throughout (for example, having to explain that the Atkinsons are my in-laws rather than blood relatives). I’ve found a new respect for people who take their spouse’s names in conformity with societal norms and for what they have to go through and give up. I believe it’s up to each person to decide what they want to do when starting a new family unit, and that the assumptions that wives will take their husbands name or even that one of the partners must give up their name at all is antiquated. That said, it was something I believed to be important, and I’m glad I did.